No matter when it happens, dating is perhaps something that a majority of us have to face at some point of our lives. While there are those who take to the dating pool like a fish, there are others who struggle with finding the confidence to spend an entire evening with a stranger. Advice on dating is what really helps when it comes to meeting and spending time with someone. You can surely get geared up to both men and women by reading a couple of books or watching talk shows.
Of course, the first step in going on a date is to find someone to date. Even though this may seem easy it can prove to be a challenge for many people. Some of the best advice on dating suggests making use of different ways to find suitable dates. Online dating sites, is one of the choices available now that seems to be working for a majority of people. Online dating sites not only screen potential suitors but they also offer advice on dating.
When you have found someone to spend time with then it’s time to decide on something to do for the evening or afternoon. It is often suggested by dating experts to select and activity that you both will enjoy. Many people usually would go out and have a lovely dinner at a fancy restaurant followed by a visit to the movies or a theatre. Despite the fact that this is a wonderful way to know more about the person, why not try something off the beaten track. In fact a lot of the advice on dating found today recommends trying something like rock climbing, inline skating or a pottery class. Now not only you have the chance to spend time talking but daters also have fun doing something as well.
It is after the first date, that both people tend to feel more at ease with one another. Maybe this will lead to spending more and more time together, including attending family gatherings. Most advice on dating will tell you that meeting your suitor’s family is a huge step. Sure, you will want to give a perfect first impression but don’t forget to be yourself.
For sure, every relationship is different from another however there is one common link that can be found in every successful pairing that is – communication. It is vital if the relationship is going to evolve from the dating stage into a longer commitment. All advice on dating will tell you to keep the lines of communication open.
It is advisable to having a sense of humor that can be important when it comes to successful dating. This holds true whether you are just beginning to date or you’ve been dating the same person for months. Finally, advice on dating suggests that you keep the fun in your dating life always!
About the Author
Michelle J. Martine provides readers with up-to-date commentaries, articles, and reviews for dating, romance as well as other related information.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Teen Dating: The Modern Parents Empower Their Teens To Avoid These Costly Dating Mistakes
It’s no secret that teenagers are under intense peer pressure to be dating or in a love relationship. Unfortunately, many have not been well guided, and some are already heartbroken, been pressured into sex, and stuck in abusive relationships. The results indicate that there is an increase in teen pregnancies, teen abortions, STD infection rates, teens running away from home, increase in alcohol and drug abuse, and the jealous teens that put up serious gun fights rather than lose a date.
Every parent knows that dating is an important first step in shaping one’s quality of life, but because of an old tradition, they will hesitate or never teach their children about dating and love relationships. Parents would rather do everything else for their teen sons and daughters but not talk about dating. It is hard to believe. Teen dating is not going to stop. So, rather than shy away from this topic to talk only about their books and talents, it may be better for parents to open up and teach their teens how to make the right dating decisions.
No matter what your opinion is, times have changed and so must we. After all, we know much more about dating than the teens, so why shouldn’t we teach them what we know? Why should we simply wait for the teens to figure out these complex dating puzzles and conflicting opinions? Why don’t we (as a society, one family at a time) abandon this outdated tradition, and help these teens understand the truth, the myths, and the hidden risks involved in the process of dating? Isn’t it better parenting to prepare and empower them to avoid the pitfalls in dating, rather than wait for them to fall in trouble?
In the face of these dating challenges, Alex Mugume has been studying and documenting all the essential answers you’ve always wanted to know about dating and matching. He says it is now easier than ever before, and he is appealing to every parent to teach their teenagers how to use the “10-Step Smart Lover’s Model”, and the “Smart Lover’s Exit Strategy Flow Chart” to enable them make the right dating decisions the first time, and to avoid these costly dating mistakes. .
This wealth of much-needed knowledge is in “The Dating Solution” available at http://www.skillfuldating.com at a price of $97. It is so user-friendly and makes dating easier. It tells you step 1 do this, step 2 do this, step 3 do this, up to step 9, following the structured protocol of the dating process. This Dating Solution will expand the teen’s dating knowledge. It will also make it easier for the parent to talk about dating and their unique compatibility features”, says Alex Mugume.
Alex Mugume is a Family Love Teacher and author of 10 Steps to Success in Love and Marriage, Self-Help Secrets for the Smart Lover. He is on a mission to make divorce and domestic violence plagues of the past. More info about skillful dating is at, http://www.skillfuldating.
About the Author
Alex Mugume is a Family Love Teacher and author of 10 Steps to Success in Love and Marriage, Self-Help Secrets for the Smart Lover. He is on a mission to make divorce and domestic violence plagues of the past. More info about skillful dating is at, http://www.skillfuldating.
Every parent knows that dating is an important first step in shaping one’s quality of life, but because of an old tradition, they will hesitate or never teach their children about dating and love relationships. Parents would rather do everything else for their teen sons and daughters but not talk about dating. It is hard to believe. Teen dating is not going to stop. So, rather than shy away from this topic to talk only about their books and talents, it may be better for parents to open up and teach their teens how to make the right dating decisions.
No matter what your opinion is, times have changed and so must we. After all, we know much more about dating than the teens, so why shouldn’t we teach them what we know? Why should we simply wait for the teens to figure out these complex dating puzzles and conflicting opinions? Why don’t we (as a society, one family at a time) abandon this outdated tradition, and help these teens understand the truth, the myths, and the hidden risks involved in the process of dating? Isn’t it better parenting to prepare and empower them to avoid the pitfalls in dating, rather than wait for them to fall in trouble?
In the face of these dating challenges, Alex Mugume has been studying and documenting all the essential answers you’ve always wanted to know about dating and matching. He says it is now easier than ever before, and he is appealing to every parent to teach their teenagers how to use the “10-Step Smart Lover’s Model”, and the “Smart Lover’s Exit Strategy Flow Chart” to enable them make the right dating decisions the first time, and to avoid these costly dating mistakes. .
This wealth of much-needed knowledge is in “The Dating Solution” available at http://www.skillfuldating.com at a price of $97. It is so user-friendly and makes dating easier. It tells you step 1 do this, step 2 do this, step 3 do this, up to step 9, following the structured protocol of the dating process. This Dating Solution will expand the teen’s dating knowledge. It will also make it easier for the parent to talk about dating and their unique compatibility features”, says Alex Mugume.
Alex Mugume is a Family Love Teacher and author of 10 Steps to Success in Love and Marriage, Self-Help Secrets for the Smart Lover. He is on a mission to make divorce and domestic violence plagues of the past. More info about skillful dating is at, http://www.skillfuldating.
About the Author
Alex Mugume is a Family Love Teacher and author of 10 Steps to Success in Love and Marriage, Self-Help Secrets for the Smart Lover. He is on a mission to make divorce and domestic violence plagues of the past. More info about skillful dating is at, http://www.skillfuldating.
Dating Rules For Men – Hot Dating Tips To Win Her Heart
There are dating rules for men every red-blooded male ought to live by. Not only will these dating rules for men ensure your lady friend has an enjoyable evening, but they will also save you the embarrassment of committing dating faux pas later on. So before you thrust yourself head-on into the exciting and unpredictable world of dating, read on.
Dress to kill. Okay, maybe not quite, but do dress to impress. Throw on something decent and suitable for the occasion. A tux on a first date seems hardly appropriate, while too rugged a look may be off-putting. Play it safe and go neutral. Smart casual is a good choice. Then work your way from there should the two of you decide to keep dating and are more comfortable with each other’s personal tastes.
Be hygienic. Sort out your tangled hair and get a decent haircut if time allows it. Go to good quality shops for decent cologne and a grooming kit. It can be time-consuming; but men are always criticized if they smell bad, so try to get into a regular shower routine so you can smell wonderful afterwards. A woman appreciates that.
Strive to improve at work as well. A man with ambition is appealing to women. Try to get some direction in your life. Get yourself on track with career opportunities. Women will question you about prospects at your work so you cannot pretend it is not important.
Try to be more mature. Getting your brain well fed is a plus. Humor is appreciated, but a woman prefers maturity. Do not let your love for sports be more of a priority than your lady. Millions of women love sports, but ramming your love for it down her throat is not advisable. Many women are not interested about current gaming consoles, they may be more interested in traveling and how you think about the outside world.
Limit yourself if you drink too much booze. Being a drunken party-boy will never leave a positive impression with your date. If you happen to be a smoker, reduce the times you smoke; or better yet, quit smoking altogether.
Do not be aggressive on the first date. This is a horrible way to think. Being patient will lead you to the girl of your dreams. Learn to wait and try to find other ways where you can make a connection with your date. This is probably the most important dating rule for men.
A woman loves a man with brains. Having basic manners, chivalry and courtesy attracts women. They love to be treated with respect. Avoid bad language, laziness and rudeness. Know how to be a gentleman who knows how to act properly with manners. Holding a door open for her is simple, yet women know it takes effort on your part. Be sensitive. Showing her a lot of respect is a great step forward.
Listen more; talk less. If it seems like you are ignoring her, her ego might get hurt. Try to listen to her when she speaks, women appreciate it if they know you are paying attention.Here’s a unique dating rule for men: learn how to dance. Many women love to dance, so even if you have no dancing talent, at least give your best effort. Think of dancing as a romantic and sexy activity. It does not matter if you dance badly - at least she is dancing with you rather than with someone else.
Learn these dating rules for men by heart and you’ll win hers before the night is over.
About the Author
Get 2 FREE sizzling reports on how to attract girls and make women laugh at http://www.20daypersuasion.com/laugh-secret.htm
Dress to kill. Okay, maybe not quite, but do dress to impress. Throw on something decent and suitable for the occasion. A tux on a first date seems hardly appropriate, while too rugged a look may be off-putting. Play it safe and go neutral. Smart casual is a good choice. Then work your way from there should the two of you decide to keep dating and are more comfortable with each other’s personal tastes.
Be hygienic. Sort out your tangled hair and get a decent haircut if time allows it. Go to good quality shops for decent cologne and a grooming kit. It can be time-consuming; but men are always criticized if they smell bad, so try to get into a regular shower routine so you can smell wonderful afterwards. A woman appreciates that.
Strive to improve at work as well. A man with ambition is appealing to women. Try to get some direction in your life. Get yourself on track with career opportunities. Women will question you about prospects at your work so you cannot pretend it is not important.
Try to be more mature. Getting your brain well fed is a plus. Humor is appreciated, but a woman prefers maturity. Do not let your love for sports be more of a priority than your lady. Millions of women love sports, but ramming your love for it down her throat is not advisable. Many women are not interested about current gaming consoles, they may be more interested in traveling and how you think about the outside world.
Limit yourself if you drink too much booze. Being a drunken party-boy will never leave a positive impression with your date. If you happen to be a smoker, reduce the times you smoke; or better yet, quit smoking altogether.
Do not be aggressive on the first date. This is a horrible way to think. Being patient will lead you to the girl of your dreams. Learn to wait and try to find other ways where you can make a connection with your date. This is probably the most important dating rule for men.
A woman loves a man with brains. Having basic manners, chivalry and courtesy attracts women. They love to be treated with respect. Avoid bad language, laziness and rudeness. Know how to be a gentleman who knows how to act properly with manners. Holding a door open for her is simple, yet women know it takes effort on your part. Be sensitive. Showing her a lot of respect is a great step forward.
Listen more; talk less. If it seems like you are ignoring her, her ego might get hurt. Try to listen to her when she speaks, women appreciate it if they know you are paying attention.Here’s a unique dating rule for men: learn how to dance. Many women love to dance, so even if you have no dancing talent, at least give your best effort. Think of dancing as a romantic and sexy activity. It does not matter if you dance badly - at least she is dancing with you rather than with someone else.
Learn these dating rules for men by heart and you’ll win hers before the night is over.
About the Author
Get 2 FREE sizzling reports on how to attract girls and make women laugh at http://www.20daypersuasion.com/laugh-secret.htm
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Dating Success Strategies: 10 Dating Lessons To Spice Up Your Social Life
If you are ready to start winning in the dating world, follow this simple strategy for success:
Lesson 1: First Impressions
They are immediate, long lasting, and usually permanent. Regardless of how great you are, and no matter how sweet you can be once someone gets to know you, the reality is, your dating success will be based almost entirely upon the other person's initial sense of who and what you are.
Lesson 2: If you want the part, look the part
Statistics show that how we appear speaks more about us, and is more important, than what we sayverbally.
Lesson 3: Act the part
It is a fact that in our personal affairs, as in all our business dealings, we sell ourselves first. Poor attitude, image, and behavior will adversely affect your dating success, just as it will negatively affect your success in business.
Lesson 4: Be the part.
The initial impression you make on a prospective date predicts whether she (or he) will take the time to get to know you. Dating, as well as business, is all about sales. You must think of yourself as a product and the person you want to date as the buyer.
Lesson 5: Dating is about sales and sales is a numbers game
If you want to multiply your success immediately in dating (or just about anything else), learn, understand, and embrace the concept behind "the numbers game." Accept and follow these tenets:
1. You are a product
2. You are the product's salesperson, its packager, and its advertiser.
3. The person you're trying to attract is your customer. They make their buying decisions based upon presentation, packaging, and advertising.
4. The world's best salespeople don't have a 100 percent sales rate, a 75 percent rate, a 50 percent or even a 25 percent rate. The world's best salespeople are lucky to maintain a 10 percent sales rate and count themselves lucky if one out of every ten "pitches" results in a sale.
Lesson 6: Confidence = success
The number one quality both men and women seek in a date or a mate is confidence. Confidence is also the key attribute that all professional salesmen must possess in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from someone who has no confidence in themselves or the products they represent.
Lesson 7: Establish a goal
A confident person is one with a plan and a goal. What's yours?
Lesson 8: Know your target market and give them what they want
Understand to whom you are trying to sell yourself and what they are interested in buying.
Lesson 9: Analyze the competition and do things better than they do
Just as you would study a competitor in business or a rival sports team, study your dating competition if you want to win!
Lesson 10: Take action and follow through
Deal with your fear of rejection. Stop investing your energy and self-worth in outcomes. Instead ofthinking of 'misses' as 'failures,' think of them as 'practice shots'. Dating is a process. Stop placing so much importance on what the person you are interested in thinks of you. After all, you don't know if you would even like them once you get to know them, do you?
Set small goals and accomplish them, one by one. Get passionate about your goals and your life. Enthusiasm is contagious, if you are excited about your life, people will be excited about being with you.
Dress for success. Always put your best foot forward And don't forget to perfect your sales pitch. If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same result.
Lesson 10: Live as if there may be no tomorrow
Realize there are no guarantees, no dress rehearsals, and (usually) no second chances. Make each day "your day," one in which you did all that you could do.
About the Author
Nicknamed "the new millenium's Dear Abby" by the media, April Masini is author of the best-selling book "Date Out of Your League", and is the publisher of the provocative dating and relationship online magazine, http://AskApril.com April writes what Dear Abby will never print and what your shrink doesn't have the guts to tell you!
Lesson 1: First Impressions
They are immediate, long lasting, and usually permanent. Regardless of how great you are, and no matter how sweet you can be once someone gets to know you, the reality is, your dating success will be based almost entirely upon the other person's initial sense of who and what you are.
Lesson 2: If you want the part, look the part
Statistics show that how we appear speaks more about us, and is more important, than what we sayverbally.
Lesson 3: Act the part
It is a fact that in our personal affairs, as in all our business dealings, we sell ourselves first. Poor attitude, image, and behavior will adversely affect your dating success, just as it will negatively affect your success in business.
Lesson 4: Be the part.
The initial impression you make on a prospective date predicts whether she (or he) will take the time to get to know you. Dating, as well as business, is all about sales. You must think of yourself as a product and the person you want to date as the buyer.
Lesson 5: Dating is about sales and sales is a numbers game
If you want to multiply your success immediately in dating (or just about anything else), learn, understand, and embrace the concept behind "the numbers game." Accept and follow these tenets:
1. You are a product
2. You are the product's salesperson, its packager, and its advertiser.
3. The person you're trying to attract is your customer. They make their buying decisions based upon presentation, packaging, and advertising.
4. The world's best salespeople don't have a 100 percent sales rate, a 75 percent rate, a 50 percent or even a 25 percent rate. The world's best salespeople are lucky to maintain a 10 percent sales rate and count themselves lucky if one out of every ten "pitches" results in a sale.
Lesson 6: Confidence = success
The number one quality both men and women seek in a date or a mate is confidence. Confidence is also the key attribute that all professional salesmen must possess in order to be successful. People do not buy products or services from someone who has no confidence in themselves or the products they represent.
Lesson 7: Establish a goal
A confident person is one with a plan and a goal. What's yours?
Lesson 8: Know your target market and give them what they want
Understand to whom you are trying to sell yourself and what they are interested in buying.
Lesson 9: Analyze the competition and do things better than they do
Just as you would study a competitor in business or a rival sports team, study your dating competition if you want to win!
Lesson 10: Take action and follow through
Deal with your fear of rejection. Stop investing your energy and self-worth in outcomes. Instead ofthinking of 'misses' as 'failures,' think of them as 'practice shots'. Dating is a process. Stop placing so much importance on what the person you are interested in thinks of you. After all, you don't know if you would even like them once you get to know them, do you?
Set small goals and accomplish them, one by one. Get passionate about your goals and your life. Enthusiasm is contagious, if you are excited about your life, people will be excited about being with you.
Dress for success. Always put your best foot forward And don't forget to perfect your sales pitch. If you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting the same result.
Lesson 10: Live as if there may be no tomorrow
Realize there are no guarantees, no dress rehearsals, and (usually) no second chances. Make each day "your day," one in which you did all that you could do.
About the Author
Nicknamed "the new millenium's Dear Abby" by the media, April Masini is author of the best-selling book "Date Out of Your League", and is the publisher of the provocative dating and relationship online magazine, http://AskApril.com April writes what Dear Abby will never print and what your shrink doesn't have the guts to tell you!
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Bringing Back Real Dating - The Secrets To Being A Gentleman In The Modern Dating World
As a single young woman, I find myself in the dating arena fairly often and despite all the calls to arms for equality, I'm always most struck by the men who retain that oh-so-desirable and yet oh-so-elusive quality of gentlemanliness.
Here are 5 ways to be a gentleman on a date without being labeled a Neanderthal;
1. Pick Her Up. Whether you're on your bike, walking, taking the subway, riding in a cab or being chauffeured in a limousine – pick her up. It's a nice thing to do. If she'd rather meet you and is fairly insistent on it, then it may be, like with a blind date, that she's not yet at a comfort level where she'd like you at her home. You should respect that wish.
2. Have a Plan Beforehand. Nothing is worse than sitting around trying to decide what to do. If you're having trouble, flip through the paper's restaurant reviews, pick one and make a reservation. Simple as that.
3. Tell Her How Nice She Looks. The words “you look lovely” or anything along those lines should be out of your mouth within the first five minutes of a date. No excuses.
4. Open Doors. Open her car door and the restaurant door, but don't pull her chair out unless she is clearly standing by it and waiting for you to do so. Otherwise, if she's not expecting it, you could wind up in an awkward chair struggle.
5. Pay, or At Least Try to Pay. Most women will admire and respect your offer to pay. If she offers to help pay, insist again but do not get into a struggle over the bill. If your date is very insistent on paying her share then let her do so, but at least try first. Also, if you were the one that asked her out, you should never expect her to pay.
About the Author
Use our free online dating services to find the perfect date: http://www.athletic-dating.com/
Here are 5 ways to be a gentleman on a date without being labeled a Neanderthal;
1. Pick Her Up. Whether you're on your bike, walking, taking the subway, riding in a cab or being chauffeured in a limousine – pick her up. It's a nice thing to do. If she'd rather meet you and is fairly insistent on it, then it may be, like with a blind date, that she's not yet at a comfort level where she'd like you at her home. You should respect that wish.
2. Have a Plan Beforehand. Nothing is worse than sitting around trying to decide what to do. If you're having trouble, flip through the paper's restaurant reviews, pick one and make a reservation. Simple as that.
3. Tell Her How Nice She Looks. The words “you look lovely” or anything along those lines should be out of your mouth within the first five minutes of a date. No excuses.
4. Open Doors. Open her car door and the restaurant door, but don't pull her chair out unless she is clearly standing by it and waiting for you to do so. Otherwise, if she's not expecting it, you could wind up in an awkward chair struggle.
5. Pay, or At Least Try to Pay. Most women will admire and respect your offer to pay. If she offers to help pay, insist again but do not get into a struggle over the bill. If your date is very insistent on paying her share then let her do so, but at least try first. Also, if you were the one that asked her out, you should never expect her to pay.
About the Author
Use our free online dating services to find the perfect date: http://www.athletic-dating.com/
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Dating, Marriage, Love, And Relationship Advice: The Dance Of Commitment And Your Secret Passion Signature!
If you are single, dating, or trying to get to “I DO” and spend too much time hurting and not enough time loving this may be the most important love relationship advice you could ever receive. Did you know that some people just don't let themselves have love? Some are eaten alive with the “fear of commitment.” Some can’t let themselves take the risk or feel vulnerable so they string you along in a dating relationship. Some people don't love themselves enough to value you if you love them. Here's how to spot the signs of a hopeless case, using little known relationship tips.
The truth is that unless a soul is willing to be involved with you, there is no hope whatsoever for a love relationship. No set of skills you learn from any book, seminar, or TV program can create a breakthrough when the other does not choose it. Of course, this can be terribly frustrating for you if you are dating or married and a willing partner. It's painful, a lot like hitting your head against the wall. Nonetheless, all too often we do not listen when we are told no, because we believe there must be something more we can do to fix the situation so that our desires prevail. Each of us wants what we want when we want it, especially when it comes to love relationship, so we tend to ignore the inevitable and keep on trying. I've done this myself. I may be a therapist, but I am a woman first and I learned these lessons through painful firsthand experience.
In a dating relationship, a man who says, "This relationship doesn't fit into my 20-year projection," or a woman who tells you, "I leave everybody with whom I get involved," is telling you that he or she is not available. And that's the truth. Most likely this person has chosen this dating relationship with its current limitations because it didn't have long-term potential in his or her mind. It doesn't matter how great the sex is, how attractively you dress, or how well you get along, the day will come when you will hit a nasty wall of resistance. You may even hit the wall right after you attain an amazing state of ecstatic union. Then, out of the blue, everything will come to a screeching halt. When suddenly your love interest informs you, "It's over," it's super important to listen to what is being said to you and heed the message. Otherwise you are in for deeper disappointment.
Ironically dating that leads to a true love relationship is terrifying to the hidden part of us that's responsible for our safety and survival. If we love deeply and surrender to love, fear naturally arises. Opening up to another being tends to bring up old wounds from the past, especially childhood. The survival system can be stronger than the human heart. Its only interest is in protecting us from getting hurt by anyone or anything. For some of us, the possibility of establishing a profound connection poses perhaps the biggest threat. The fear of commitment often masks a deeper issue. You may feel "not good enough," "engulfed," "not perfect," and so on. The fire of passion is literally too hot for many people to handle, so they run away. Without making the soul choice to hang in there and face the fire, our desired connections don't stand a chance. There are love relationship tips you can use to let you know that you have snagged someone afraid of connection. See if these sound familiar:
1. After the sexual excitement has died down a bit your lover becomes elusive.
2. Your love interest starts avoiding opportunities to get together, and when you mention it you are called a "complainer."
3. Any mention on your part of moving into more commitment is met with evasion, "Do what you need to do for yourself. Don't worry about me."
4. Your partner develops a roving eye. Sitting at a dinner table you see your beloved watching everyone that passes.
5. The sexual interest dies between you. You express a desire for more affection and are told that you are "too pushy."It doesn't matter what techniques you use in a love relationship. Unless there is an awakening of consciousness and a desire to increase the level of intimacy, there cannot be a breakthrough. In my therapeutic practice I have watched women spend ten years with men who were terrified of being abandoned but were also terrified of commitment. When push comes to shove this type of man chooses his freedom over the woman. He is often too concerned with what he could miss out on later to commit to today.
In my book, The Passion Principle: Discover Your Personal Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationships in Love, Life and Work, I identify 5 signature styles of relating. Each has a healthy balanced, loving aspect, which makes for great relationships and a wounded side, which shows up as the inability to love or commit for one reason or another. They are the Warrior/Conqueror, Lover/Vamp, Creator/Martyr, Prophet/Perfectionist, and Visionary/Perfectionist. To create a breakthrough in receiving the love you want or commit to the love you have, you must step into the balanced healthy aspect of your signature.
In romantic relationships the Warrior is committed, sexy and loyal. The Conqueror works so many hours s/he is not available for commitment. The Lover is wonderful with commitment and intimacy. The Vamp can be desperately needy and make you want to run from commitment. The Creator is fantastic at commitment. The Martyr feels trapped in intimate relationships and runs at the first sign of commitment. The Prophet is a blissfully connected lover. The Escapist is a Houdini who will run from you at the first sign of commitment. The Visionary is positive, high energy and a great mate. The Perfectionist is disappointed by anyone who turns up in the flesh because they are searching for the perfect mate.
The wounded aspects of the “passion signatures” can get in the way of deepening intimacy and cause you to waste precious time. I have seen men and women spend 30 years trying to find Mr. or Ms. Right, and no one was ever good enough. If this type is your partner, you won't be good enough either.
You can beg a workaholic Conqueror to come home and put your relationship first for decades, only to bury this type of mate before the request is honored. You can also consume five years trying to get a Martyr to join you in a grounded, forward-moving relationship to no avail, and forfeit just as many years of effort trying to establish a significant relationship with a Vamp who is only attracted to the unavailable. Relationships can be used as vessels for growth and healing, but only between willing partners.
A 45-year-old Martyr grew up under the domination of an angry, controlling mother. As an adult, he continued waging battle against his mother by never committing to one woman. In a series of monogamous relationships, he provoked a long stream of women to become hostile and demanding, just like his mother, until the day came when each one could not stand any more and left him in disgust. What he didn't realize was that his past was ruling his life and that love would elude him forever unless he dealt with his wounds. His latest girlfriend, a woman who wanted to understand her patterns, brought him to my office. She asked me to help her decide whether or not to stay in it, or break it off.
The man was the eternal "nice guy" who would do anything for his woman, except commit. Each of his previous girlfriends only knew this side of him, because he was a chameleon. His defiance of her was never put in her face. It was subtle, insidious, behind-the-back stuff, nothing she could put her finger on. He seemed to be there, in the dating relationship, except he wasn't really there. He told his new love interest that he was keeping his connections with the other women because he didn't like to hurt people. He insisted that he wasn't stringing anyone along . . . it was just that he had never found the one woman to whom he could commit. His fears were sabotaging the relationship.
My client who was the wounded Lover/Vamp had been replaying a traumatic childhood scene of her own with the boyfriend. In relationship with him, she basically was trying to get her abandoning father not to leave. Her dad had walked out on her family when she was a small child, never to be seen again. Both she and her boyfriend were full-grown adults, yet when it came to love they were hopelessly locked in a painful cycle of tug of war. She was sabotaging her happiness by trying to persuade an unavailable man to love her.
Remember: There are no bad guys here. Sometimes we're ready for things and sometimes we are not. A sign that you are personally unready is that you continue dating people who are also not available when you check below the surface. Or if they are available, you "make" them not good enough, or tell yourself, "Not now." If you are on the receiving end of a message of reluctance, hang in there for a little while in case your love interest becomes more comfortable. Seek help in processing your feelings if you must. But if you find your self-esteem draining from you while you wait, or you feel less and less valued by your mate, it is time to "cut bait" (break up), toss "the fish" (your partner) back into the sea, and walk away.
There are more easy-to-apply love relationship tips and tools you can use to create commitment in what looks like hopeless cases. In my book, The Passion Principle: Discover Your Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationships in Love, Life and Work, you will find lots more to help you have the love relationship you deserve.
Here's one final thought. If you are in a loving relationship, it is vital that managing the relationship and growing in the relationship become your two highest priorities. You must be honest and diligent, take responsibility for your own energy, feelings, thoughts, and defenses, and try to understand your impact on your partner. This last item matters most when things are going wrong or you want to deepen your connection. These are keys to unleashing romantic passion.
Excerpt from The Passion Principle, Copyright Donna LeBlanc 2006
About the Author
Donna LeBlanc, M.Ed., is a New York City based psychotherapist and author of THE PASSION PRINCIPLE: Discover Your Personal Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationships in Love, Life and Work. Contact her at http://www.thepassionprinciple.com or 1-877-63donna for in-person and telephone coaching sessions and seminars.
The truth is that unless a soul is willing to be involved with you, there is no hope whatsoever for a love relationship. No set of skills you learn from any book, seminar, or TV program can create a breakthrough when the other does not choose it. Of course, this can be terribly frustrating for you if you are dating or married and a willing partner. It's painful, a lot like hitting your head against the wall. Nonetheless, all too often we do not listen when we are told no, because we believe there must be something more we can do to fix the situation so that our desires prevail. Each of us wants what we want when we want it, especially when it comes to love relationship, so we tend to ignore the inevitable and keep on trying. I've done this myself. I may be a therapist, but I am a woman first and I learned these lessons through painful firsthand experience.
In a dating relationship, a man who says, "This relationship doesn't fit into my 20-year projection," or a woman who tells you, "I leave everybody with whom I get involved," is telling you that he or she is not available. And that's the truth. Most likely this person has chosen this dating relationship with its current limitations because it didn't have long-term potential in his or her mind. It doesn't matter how great the sex is, how attractively you dress, or how well you get along, the day will come when you will hit a nasty wall of resistance. You may even hit the wall right after you attain an amazing state of ecstatic union. Then, out of the blue, everything will come to a screeching halt. When suddenly your love interest informs you, "It's over," it's super important to listen to what is being said to you and heed the message. Otherwise you are in for deeper disappointment.
Ironically dating that leads to a true love relationship is terrifying to the hidden part of us that's responsible for our safety and survival. If we love deeply and surrender to love, fear naturally arises. Opening up to another being tends to bring up old wounds from the past, especially childhood. The survival system can be stronger than the human heart. Its only interest is in protecting us from getting hurt by anyone or anything. For some of us, the possibility of establishing a profound connection poses perhaps the biggest threat. The fear of commitment often masks a deeper issue. You may feel "not good enough," "engulfed," "not perfect," and so on. The fire of passion is literally too hot for many people to handle, so they run away. Without making the soul choice to hang in there and face the fire, our desired connections don't stand a chance. There are love relationship tips you can use to let you know that you have snagged someone afraid of connection. See if these sound familiar:
1. After the sexual excitement has died down a bit your lover becomes elusive.
2. Your love interest starts avoiding opportunities to get together, and when you mention it you are called a "complainer."
3. Any mention on your part of moving into more commitment is met with evasion, "Do what you need to do for yourself. Don't worry about me."
4. Your partner develops a roving eye. Sitting at a dinner table you see your beloved watching everyone that passes.
5. The sexual interest dies between you. You express a desire for more affection and are told that you are "too pushy."It doesn't matter what techniques you use in a love relationship. Unless there is an awakening of consciousness and a desire to increase the level of intimacy, there cannot be a breakthrough. In my therapeutic practice I have watched women spend ten years with men who were terrified of being abandoned but were also terrified of commitment. When push comes to shove this type of man chooses his freedom over the woman. He is often too concerned with what he could miss out on later to commit to today.
In my book, The Passion Principle: Discover Your Personal Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationships in Love, Life and Work, I identify 5 signature styles of relating. Each has a healthy balanced, loving aspect, which makes for great relationships and a wounded side, which shows up as the inability to love or commit for one reason or another. They are the Warrior/Conqueror, Lover/Vamp, Creator/Martyr, Prophet/Perfectionist, and Visionary/Perfectionist. To create a breakthrough in receiving the love you want or commit to the love you have, you must step into the balanced healthy aspect of your signature.
In romantic relationships the Warrior is committed, sexy and loyal. The Conqueror works so many hours s/he is not available for commitment. The Lover is wonderful with commitment and intimacy. The Vamp can be desperately needy and make you want to run from commitment. The Creator is fantastic at commitment. The Martyr feels trapped in intimate relationships and runs at the first sign of commitment. The Prophet is a blissfully connected lover. The Escapist is a Houdini who will run from you at the first sign of commitment. The Visionary is positive, high energy and a great mate. The Perfectionist is disappointed by anyone who turns up in the flesh because they are searching for the perfect mate.
The wounded aspects of the “passion signatures” can get in the way of deepening intimacy and cause you to waste precious time. I have seen men and women spend 30 years trying to find Mr. or Ms. Right, and no one was ever good enough. If this type is your partner, you won't be good enough either.
You can beg a workaholic Conqueror to come home and put your relationship first for decades, only to bury this type of mate before the request is honored. You can also consume five years trying to get a Martyr to join you in a grounded, forward-moving relationship to no avail, and forfeit just as many years of effort trying to establish a significant relationship with a Vamp who is only attracted to the unavailable. Relationships can be used as vessels for growth and healing, but only between willing partners.
A 45-year-old Martyr grew up under the domination of an angry, controlling mother. As an adult, he continued waging battle against his mother by never committing to one woman. In a series of monogamous relationships, he provoked a long stream of women to become hostile and demanding, just like his mother, until the day came when each one could not stand any more and left him in disgust. What he didn't realize was that his past was ruling his life and that love would elude him forever unless he dealt with his wounds. His latest girlfriend, a woman who wanted to understand her patterns, brought him to my office. She asked me to help her decide whether or not to stay in it, or break it off.
The man was the eternal "nice guy" who would do anything for his woman, except commit. Each of his previous girlfriends only knew this side of him, because he was a chameleon. His defiance of her was never put in her face. It was subtle, insidious, behind-the-back stuff, nothing she could put her finger on. He seemed to be there, in the dating relationship, except he wasn't really there. He told his new love interest that he was keeping his connections with the other women because he didn't like to hurt people. He insisted that he wasn't stringing anyone along . . . it was just that he had never found the one woman to whom he could commit. His fears were sabotaging the relationship.
My client who was the wounded Lover/Vamp had been replaying a traumatic childhood scene of her own with the boyfriend. In relationship with him, she basically was trying to get her abandoning father not to leave. Her dad had walked out on her family when she was a small child, never to be seen again. Both she and her boyfriend were full-grown adults, yet when it came to love they were hopelessly locked in a painful cycle of tug of war. She was sabotaging her happiness by trying to persuade an unavailable man to love her.
Remember: There are no bad guys here. Sometimes we're ready for things and sometimes we are not. A sign that you are personally unready is that you continue dating people who are also not available when you check below the surface. Or if they are available, you "make" them not good enough, or tell yourself, "Not now." If you are on the receiving end of a message of reluctance, hang in there for a little while in case your love interest becomes more comfortable. Seek help in processing your feelings if you must. But if you find your self-esteem draining from you while you wait, or you feel less and less valued by your mate, it is time to "cut bait" (break up), toss "the fish" (your partner) back into the sea, and walk away.
There are more easy-to-apply love relationship tips and tools you can use to create commitment in what looks like hopeless cases. In my book, The Passion Principle: Discover Your Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationships in Love, Life and Work, you will find lots more to help you have the love relationship you deserve.
Here's one final thought. If you are in a loving relationship, it is vital that managing the relationship and growing in the relationship become your two highest priorities. You must be honest and diligent, take responsibility for your own energy, feelings, thoughts, and defenses, and try to understand your impact on your partner. This last item matters most when things are going wrong or you want to deepen your connection. These are keys to unleashing romantic passion.
Excerpt from The Passion Principle, Copyright Donna LeBlanc 2006
About the Author
Donna LeBlanc, M.Ed., is a New York City based psychotherapist and author of THE PASSION PRINCIPLE: Discover Your Personal Passion Signature and the Secrets to Deeper Relationships in Love, Life and Work. Contact her at http://www.thepassionprinciple.com or 1-877-63donna for in-person and telephone coaching sessions and seminars.
Dating Conversation – The Secret To Getting More Dates
Dating conversation - it’s critical if you want to get more dates.
It doesn’t matter if you’re introducing yourself for the first time, if you’re on your first date or if you’re trying to turn your date into a relationship – if you haven’t got the chat, you haven’t got a chance.
It’s Not Body Language…
Of course, you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s all in the body language. I’m sure you’ve heard of the Professor Albert Mehrabian’s 7%/38%/55%. Where only 7% of the meaning that you communicate is in the words that you speak – the remaining percentages being down to how you say the words and your body language respectively.
Well, did you know that the research was only validated for conversations where the subjects were talking about feelings and attitudes? It’s NOT universally applicable – and if you go into a dating conversation thinking that all you need to do is smile and hold eye contact, your partner will have you marked down as a loony within seconds. End of!
Virtuous or Vicious Circle?
I’m not arguing here that body language isn’t important. It clearly is. But it’s part of a circle – the other side of which is your dating conversation.
Let’s assume that you and your partner both find each other physically attractive. Why else would you be talking to each other as dates or potential dates?
If you’re conversation is going well, if you’re enjoying being in the company of the person you’re with, your body relaxes, becomes more open, you lean in, you smile, you become more animated, you may touch each other playfully.
If the conversation is stunted, if it’s boring, then you’re more likely to be sitting back, crossing your legs, maybe your arms, your mouth will barely break a smile, your eyes searching elsewhere in the room.
So your body language is definitely giving the game away here. But it’s how much you and your partner are enjoying the conversation that determines the body language each of you displays. It’s what you say that’s either turning your partner on or turning them away even though their body is still there.
The Secret of Dating Conversation
Herein lies the secret of great dating conversation.
Ultimately, one of the 3 key elements in a successful relationship is that of ‘Best Friends’ chemistry.
Why are your best friends, your best friends? Simply because you enjoy each others company. They make you laugh, they intrigue you, they stimulate your mind, they fascinate you. Whatever it is that they do for you, when you are together, you get feelings of pleasure. Otherwise, why else would they be a great friend?
So if you want this date, or potential date, to be a success, your sole aim…is to ensure they have fun. To ensure that when they are with you they experience as much pleasure as you can create for them. Conversationally speaking…!
And that’s where we get back to conversation. Your dating conversation skills will largely be judged on how able you are to create a conversation that your partner enjoys. Ultimately, that leads to you getting more dates.
If you’re thinking this is obvious, yes it is! But how many times do you leave a dating conversation wondering why you didn’t hit it off or why they never called you? It all comes back to the fact that your partner didn’t enjoy themselves enough as a result of your conversation.
If you can get this, and I really mean understand and believe it, then all of the skills and techniques you can learn to create better dating conversation will be easy for you.
One Principle of Better Dating Conversation
Let me leave you with one key principle so that you can go out today and start creating better (think – more pleasurable) dating conversations.
The power of the question.
Your dating conversation will be made up of you both asking and answering questions. If you ask the right questions, your partner is going to have fun. If you ask the wrong questions, they are going to ditch you.
The right questions are ones that get your partner to experience pleasurable feelings. For example:
• What do you love to do in your spare time?• What do you particularly enjoy about that?• If you could go on a fantasy holiday, anywhere in the world, where would it be and what would you do?
As they think about the answers they will actually experience good feelings, because they are recounting or creating pictures and memories in their head of things they enjoy doing.
Ask these pleasure inducing questions enough on a date and at the end of the date, your partner will have had fun. And if your partner’s had fun – they’re going to want to go on another date with you!
I won’t go into the wrong questions. I think you can probably work out what the wrong type of questions would be. But remember, this is one of the key principles in dating conversation success.
About the Author
You can get the other 4 key principles to dating conversation success by downloading the free first chapter to my ‘How to Enjoy Your Speed Dating Conversations and Win More Dates’ book. Make all your dating conversations fun and get more dates. Visit http://www.therelationshipgym.com/speed_dating_conversation.htm Copyright 2006 The Relationship Gym
It doesn’t matter if you’re introducing yourself for the first time, if you’re on your first date or if you’re trying to turn your date into a relationship – if you haven’t got the chat, you haven’t got a chance.
It’s Not Body Language…
Of course, you’d be forgiven for thinking it’s all in the body language. I’m sure you’ve heard of the Professor Albert Mehrabian’s 7%/38%/55%. Where only 7% of the meaning that you communicate is in the words that you speak – the remaining percentages being down to how you say the words and your body language respectively.
Well, did you know that the research was only validated for conversations where the subjects were talking about feelings and attitudes? It’s NOT universally applicable – and if you go into a dating conversation thinking that all you need to do is smile and hold eye contact, your partner will have you marked down as a loony within seconds. End of!
Virtuous or Vicious Circle?
I’m not arguing here that body language isn’t important. It clearly is. But it’s part of a circle – the other side of which is your dating conversation.
Let’s assume that you and your partner both find each other physically attractive. Why else would you be talking to each other as dates or potential dates?
If you’re conversation is going well, if you’re enjoying being in the company of the person you’re with, your body relaxes, becomes more open, you lean in, you smile, you become more animated, you may touch each other playfully.
If the conversation is stunted, if it’s boring, then you’re more likely to be sitting back, crossing your legs, maybe your arms, your mouth will barely break a smile, your eyes searching elsewhere in the room.
So your body language is definitely giving the game away here. But it’s how much you and your partner are enjoying the conversation that determines the body language each of you displays. It’s what you say that’s either turning your partner on or turning them away even though their body is still there.
The Secret of Dating Conversation
Herein lies the secret of great dating conversation.
Ultimately, one of the 3 key elements in a successful relationship is that of ‘Best Friends’ chemistry.
Why are your best friends, your best friends? Simply because you enjoy each others company. They make you laugh, they intrigue you, they stimulate your mind, they fascinate you. Whatever it is that they do for you, when you are together, you get feelings of pleasure. Otherwise, why else would they be a great friend?
So if you want this date, or potential date, to be a success, your sole aim…is to ensure they have fun. To ensure that when they are with you they experience as much pleasure as you can create for them. Conversationally speaking…!
And that’s where we get back to conversation. Your dating conversation skills will largely be judged on how able you are to create a conversation that your partner enjoys. Ultimately, that leads to you getting more dates.
If you’re thinking this is obvious, yes it is! But how many times do you leave a dating conversation wondering why you didn’t hit it off or why they never called you? It all comes back to the fact that your partner didn’t enjoy themselves enough as a result of your conversation.
If you can get this, and I really mean understand and believe it, then all of the skills and techniques you can learn to create better dating conversation will be easy for you.
One Principle of Better Dating Conversation
Let me leave you with one key principle so that you can go out today and start creating better (think – more pleasurable) dating conversations.
The power of the question.
Your dating conversation will be made up of you both asking and answering questions. If you ask the right questions, your partner is going to have fun. If you ask the wrong questions, they are going to ditch you.
The right questions are ones that get your partner to experience pleasurable feelings. For example:
• What do you love to do in your spare time?• What do you particularly enjoy about that?• If you could go on a fantasy holiday, anywhere in the world, where would it be and what would you do?
As they think about the answers they will actually experience good feelings, because they are recounting or creating pictures and memories in their head of things they enjoy doing.
Ask these pleasure inducing questions enough on a date and at the end of the date, your partner will have had fun. And if your partner’s had fun – they’re going to want to go on another date with you!
I won’t go into the wrong questions. I think you can probably work out what the wrong type of questions would be. But remember, this is one of the key principles in dating conversation success.
About the Author
You can get the other 4 key principles to dating conversation success by downloading the free first chapter to my ‘How to Enjoy Your Speed Dating Conversations and Win More Dates’ book. Make all your dating conversations fun and get more dates. Visit http://www.therelationshipgym.com/speed_dating_conversation.htm Copyright 2006 The Relationship Gym
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